"The Kind of Dads We Ought to Be"

Characteristics of the Godly Father

21 June, 1998

INTRODUCTION

What are Fathers Made Of? By Paul Harvey:

A father is a thing that is forced to endure childbirth without an anesthetic.
A father is a thing that growls when it feels good--and laughs very loud when it's scared half to death.
A father never feels entirely worthy of the worship in a child's eyes. He's never quite the hero his daughter thinks, never quite the man his son believes him to be--and this worries him, sometimes. So he works too hard to try and smooth the rough places in the road for those of his own who will follow him.
A father is a thing that gets very angry when the first school grades aren't as good as he thinks they should be. He scolds his son though he knows it's the teacher's fault.
Fathers are what give daughters away to other men who aren't nearly good enough so they can have grandchildren who are smarter than any body's .
Fathers make bets with insurance companies about who'll live the longest. Though they know the odds, they keep right on betting. And one day they lose.

I don't know where fathers go when they die. But I've an idea that after a good rest, wherever it is, he won't be happy unless there's work to do. He won't just sit on a cloud and wait for the girl he's loved and the children she bore. He'll be busy there, too, repairing the stairs, oiling the gates, improving the streets, smoothing the way." (Paul Harvey)

I don't know how true each of those statements really are. Some of you may not see those statements manifested in your life or in the life of the dad you grew up with. Some of you may not have very fond memories of your dad and some of you probably feel like you are not doing so well as a dad. But I do know what kind of dads we ought to be. And we may not be able to change the past but we can begin to work on the present.

There is a man by the name of Job whom I believe gives us a pretty good picture of the kind of dad we ought to be. Job is often seen for his sufferings but I would like us to look at him in regards to his role as a father.

BACKGROUND

The Book of Job was very likely written by someone other than the central character of the book. It is suggested that because the message of the book rests on Job's ignorance of the events that occurred in heaven as they related to his ordeal, that Job himself did not write this account of his life. It is suggested that because the land of Uz, Job's homeland was adjacent to Midian, where Moses lived for 40 years, that Moses wrote this narrative.

It is also suggested that maybe Solomon wrote the book of Job. Since the other wisdom books, of which Job is categorized, was written by Solomon, it is likely that Solomon could have been divinely inspired to write about Job in a style that was familiar to him.

But whoever wrote this true account of the man we know as Job, it was obviously important to the writer that the reader would know what kind of man Job was. The writer intentionally made it clear to the reader that Job was a godly man and a family man. And he was a man that we should consider imitating. His life stands as an example of the kind of dads we ought to be.

What can we learn from this suffering man of God about the kind dads we ought to be?

1. MEN OF OBVIOUS PERSONAL INTEGRITY - 1:1

Job is described here as being blameless. The word blameless actually means "complete" and is also translated as integrity and perfect. Job is, therefore, seen in the Scriptures as being a man of integrity - an integrity that was recognized by his wife and more importantly by God. Look at what God says about Job in 1:8 and 2:3.

Job was certainly a man of integrity. But what does it mean to be a man of integrity?

a. Being ethical in our dealings with others

Job is described as a man who was upright. The word upright is rooted in a word that means "to be level, to be straight, just and lawful." And it is used ethically as a manner of life.

It appears that Job had a reputation of being ethical in all manner of life which obviously encompassed his dealings with others.

I have a feeling that Job's children saw their dad as one who was honest and upright in the way he dealt with others on a day to day basis. What about you and me? Do our kids see us that way?

Do they see us as being faithful to the promises and commitments we have made to others or do they see us as going back on our word?
Do they see us as being honest in business dealings or do they see us as trying to get something for nothing?
Do they see us as telling the truth in any and every circumstance or do they see us telling the truth only when it is convenient for us?

A minister tells of a time he went to counsel a family about their son's drug use. The father was distraught as he described the impact of drugs upon his relationship with his son. He said, "The thing that bothers me most about his being into drugs is the fact that drugs have made him a liar." Moments later the phone rang and his wife went to answer. She came back into the room with the message that the call was for the father. He told her, "Tell him I am not at home." The minister commented that drugs had not made the boy a liar; the father had.

Let's teach our kids by example what it means to be ethical in our dealings with others.

Being a man of integrity means.....

b. Being serious in our devotion to God

The word "fear" that is used here in verse 1 is used over and over again in the OT and it is used in a number of ways. It is used of (1) the emotion of fear, (2) the intellectual anticipation of fear of evil, (3) reverence or awe, (4) righteous behavior, (5) formal religious worship.

Job had a healthy fear of the Lord that translated into a life of deep devotion to God.

(1) a devotion that is manifested in true worship

Job must have been a husband and a father who took his relationship with God very seriously. And it obviously showed in his attitude toward God - an attitude and life of worship.

True worship is not something we only do on Sunday mornings. True worship is a lifestyle. And it is a lifestyle that comes from a deep reverence and devotion to God for all that He has done. It is a devotion that effects our attitude towards God.

William Barclay says this about worship: "True worship is when man, through his spirit, attains to friendship and intimacy with God. Genuine worship does not consist in coming to a certain place nor in going through a certain ritual or liturgy nor even in bringing certain gifts. True worship is when the spirit, the immortal and the invisible part of man speaks to and meets with God, (who) Himself is immortal and invisible." (William Barclay)

Someone has said that "We do not really love or worship God until we love and admire the things which God requires and which God loves. In other words, worship is that to which we give our interest, our enthusiasm and our devotion."

But this is also....

(2) a devotion that is manifested in practical righteousness

Remember that the word fear is also used of righteous behavior. That is to say, then, that Job's behavior and lifestyle is defined as being righteous. And it must have been a righteousness that effected the way he lived his life among his family and his peers. He was obviously a man who was known to be of high moral character.

And it says that he shunned evil. He turned away from every activity that was contrary to God's will. He was clearly not about to let anything get in the way of his devotion to following God. He was not going to be swayed to follow the idols of his culture. And he was not going to be swayed by the circumstances of his life. Even in the midst of his suffering, his wife pointed out that he was holding on to his integrity. And the narrative tells us that "in all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong." It says that he "did not sin with his lips."

Job could have shaken his fist at God and blamed Him for all that had come upon him, but Job's devotion to God was obviously much deeper than that. Job could have given in to the evils of the society in which he lived, but his devotion was much deeper than that. As men who claim to be followers of Christ, how deep is our devotion to God? How serious are we about our relationship with God? And how does that devotion translate into our everyday living? Are we consistent? Are we committed to the work of the kingdom? Are we men who stand up for what we believe?

Do our kids see that kind of devotion? Do they see us being more devoted to God than to the job or to some other recreation? Do they see us being more devoted to God than anything else?

Being a man of integrity also means...

c. Being honest about our own personal faults

Even though Job was considered to be blameless and faultless, it is obvious that he was honest about the fact that he did not have it as together as some might think. Throughout his ordeal, Job alludes to the fact that, though he is blameless, he is not perfect.

If you make a mistake, are you willing to admit it or do you make excuses? If you blow it and your kids know it, do you acknowledge that or do you justify it. I wonder how our families see us. Do they see us as men of integrity? Do they see us as men of Biblical conviction of men of compromise? Do they see us as men who say one thing and do something else?

When the 10-year-olds in a Sunday School class at the Brookside, NJ. Community Sunday School expressed their views of "What's wrong with grownups?" they came up with these complaints:

Grownups make promises, then they forget all about them, or else they say it wasn't really a promise, just a maybe.
Grownups don't do the things they're always telling the children to do--like pick up their things, or be neat, or always tell the truth.
Grownups never really listen to what children have to say. They always decide ahead of time what they're going to answer.
Grownups make mistakes, but they won't admit them. They always pretend that they weren't mistakes at all--or that somebody else made them.
Grownups interrupt children all the time and think nothing of it. If a child interrupts a grownup, he gets a scolding or something worse.
Grownups never understand how much children want a certain thing--a certain color or shape or size. If it's something they don't admire--even if the children have spent their own money for it--they always say, "I can't imagine what you want with that old thing!"
Sometimes grownups punish children unfairly. It isn't right if you've done just some little thing wrong and grownups take away something that means an awful lot to you. Other times you can do something really bad and they say they're going to punish you, but they don't. You never know, and you ought to know.
Grownups are always talking about what they did and what they knew when they were 10 years old--but they never try to think what it's like to be 10 years old right now. (For Families Only, J.A.Petersen, ed., Tyndale, 1977, p. 253)

What kind of dads are we? Are we seen as being men of honesty, truth, integrity? Are we seen as being men of authenticity? Or are we seen as playing the game of religion?

2. MEN WITH A GENUINE PARENTAL CONCERN - 1:4,5

We should be men who are genuinely concerned about our children. It is obvious that Job was that kind of a father. Job stands as a model of the how our concern is to be manifested.

And what does it mean to be men with a genuine parental concern?

a. Being concerned about the spiritual condition of our children - 1:5b

Job had a real concern about the spiritual condition of his children. His concern was that somehow, in the midst of their feasting, they might have sinned or cursed God in their hearts. Certainly Job was well aware of what his sons and daughters were capable of - that they were capable of engaging in a lifestyle or behavior that was against his convictions and that was contrary to the will of God. He was concerned about the spiritual ramifications of their actions and behavior - about how their behavior would effect their relationship with God. He was concerned about the spiritaul condition of his children.

So how does this apply? What does it mean to have this kind of parental concern? It means that....

we are more concerned about where the hearts of our children are with God than we are with their being socially accepted among theirpeers.
we are more concerned about their achievements in the things of God than about their achievements in sports.
we are more concerned about the condition of their heart than we are about their outward appearance.
we are more concerned about them following the will of God for their future than we are about them being successful.

Our kids are growing up in a world of evil and godlessness and it should be our number one concern that, in the midst of it all, their hearts and their life is right before the Lord and that they are being fed what is healthy to their soul. We should be concerned about who they associate with and what they do with their time. We should be concerned about the decisions that they make because they are so capable and prone to make the same kinds of mistakes that many of us have made and getting involved in the same kinds of things you read about in the news. And if we are really concerned, it will be obvious - to the world and especially to our kids. They will not be perfect and they will make mistakes. They might do that which we do not approve of. But let's make it clear to them that we are concerned about them and that which is most important - the spiritual condition of their lives.

Being men of genuine parental concern also means...

b. Being diligent in praying for the spiritual needs of our children - 1:5a

Job's concern for his children led him to take action. At the end of every week he would offer up as many burnt offerings as he had sons. It was these offerings that were to cover any sin that they might have committed that week. Job assumed his responsibilities as the family priest in a time when the Aaronic priesthood had not been established.

It is even suggested that Job would order his sons to examine their own consciences and repent of what they had done wrong in the midst of their feasting.

And the interesting thing about this scenario is that it appears that his sons were in houses of their own - probably married. But yet he kept his authority over them for their good and they submitted to his authority through they had left home and were on their own. Job still acted as the priest of the family. And he did this continually.

Even though Job's children were grown, and had maybe left home to begin a life of their own, he did not stop being the concerned parent that he always had been. And it was his concern for theor spiritual needs that moved him to act on their behalf. Whether he order them to be involved or not, he continued to intercede to God on their behalf.

Though we do not follow the system of sacrificial offerings and would not need to do as Job did for his children, there is one thing we can do - we can pray for them. We can pray with them and for them. We need to be praying that God would protect them from themselves and from the destructive forces of the enemy. We need to stand in the gap for them on a regular basis.

CONCLUSION

I don't know what kind of a father or parent you think we need to be to our kids but, but I think Job stands as a pretty good model. And I have a feeling that he was remembered and known as the kind of man that is described in these first 5 verses of Job - a man of personal integrity and a man with parental concern. He was a godly man and he was a family man. And as far from perfect as I am, that is the kind of man that I hope to remembered as.

Gayle Erwin shares a personal testimony about his dad in his book entitled, "The Jesus Style."

"When I was six years old, my father was severely injured in an airplane accident and was left partially paralyzed and brain damaged. My mother then became the breadwinner of the house. Since my mother was often 'not there' as she attempted to make a living and my dad was 'not there' physically or mentally, the stage was set for family failure. But our family did not fail! Through difficult times, both parents stayed faithful to God and to us. Prayer, belief, steadfastness and love surrounded us -- money and fine homes didn't. When my father died, my two brothers and I stood in front of his casket and made the following statement to the friends who had gathered for the funeral service: "Our father did not leave a financial empire for us to carry on. Many things that a dad normally does with his sons, our's was unable to do. He was unable to teach us many things that a dad normally teaches. But he did leave us something that he had. He left us with a love of God, a love for the Bible, a love for people, an understanding of worship and an inability to hate. We feel that he has left us only those things that will last. So we stand here before you as his sons and declare publicly that we will follow his God." (Erwin, Gayle D., "The Jesus Style," Word, 1988; page 63)